Opening up: Me and my mental health

18 months ago I wrote this post – How well do you know your own country?

If you don’t feel like reading it, well here’s the gist – It was a short post about how I am tired of having my life revolve around work and the same old routine. When I travel around different countries, I stay out late, I try new foods, I push myself out of my comfort zone and in general, i just have fun.

In my everyday life.. I don’t do this. I am so bogged down by the daily routine of working life that I slump into a miserable state of mind. I find it hard to find the motivation that I have when i’m away.

It’s sad but it’s the truth. I might just be having a down couple of weeks but i’m not happy with my mindset at the moment and I’ve noticed a huge difference between everyday life and when i’m on holiday. Of course that is normal because a holiday is meant to be enjoyed right? However, my working hours mean i’m working, eating and sleeping…and that’s it. What kind of life is that? Being on a different routine to my partner, friends and family really takes it’s toll.

Quite honestly, I feel sad. This blog of mine is about travel and all my adventures but this post is about my mental health and the impact not being able to do those things is having.

I can’t blame work, I love my job. But what I can blame, is myself. I need to find that motivation that has kept me happy for many years in the past. I need to find that determination and drive that people have to keep themselves going through the hard times.

You may think that i’m mad. Some people think I have the perfect life.

“Look at you, you have everything! You’re always away! Did you win the lottery? You have the dream job! Work are sending you away? That’s amazing! You’re going on holiday again?? Congratulations on buying a house! How do you afford to go away so often? You’re so lucky!”

Yes, those are comments I’ve heard many times throughout my life.

What people do not see is what has gone on in the background. I work pushing 50 hours a week. I know that is fairly normal in this day and age unfortunately but I don’t just work all those hours, it never ends. I wake up in the morning and my partner is at work. I finish work in the evening and he’s asleep. I work nights, days, weekends, whatever comes my way. I get midweek days off, like today, where I have nobody to hang out with because everybody is at work themselves. I know this is part of growing up and everyone has their own lives these days but it can still upset you.

I can afford to travel because I don’t have children, I don’t wear makeup, I eat cheap food, I don’t treat myself to anything because I am not materialistic at all. Adventure is my treat. So next time you think I’ve won the lottery, I haven’t – I just have very low expenditure. I’ve never been handed anything. I moved out of my parents house at the age of 17 where I then went on to pay rent for 12 years. If you know how expensive rent is, you will be able to understand how important it is to be good with managing your money. I am fantastic at saving because I have always needed to be. That’s how I was able to buy my first home.

There are far too many people in this world that believe in order to have the things I have in my life, you need a hand out. Truth is, you can have whatever you want with some hard work.

Unfortunately in this case, hard work has come with various feelings of exhaustion. I am not complaining about my life by any means. I love the fact that I have beautiful people around me that are loving and I’ve seen as much of the world as I have. But right now, i feel down because I’m not sure what our purpose is and what my goals are. It gives you that lost feeling of not really knowing where you want to end up or what you want to do.

How do you motivate yourself to continue this way when you have no idea what you are aiming for?

Sometimes I think that my problem comes from achieving all my life’s goals at such an early age. Granted, they were mostly travel goals but I also wanted to get my degree, work in travel, write for a company, learn to drive, move to Australia, buy a house with a garden and travel around the world. When you achieve all the things you want to by the age of 30… Then what motivates you to continue with the mundane routine that is life?

I have had some people tell me to set new goals. It’s not that easy. You don’t just whip up some goals from nowhere. Some people have aspirations to start a family, get married, have children, buy a flashy car, climb that career ladder all sorts. I’m not going to choose one of those goals for the sake of it.

I’m writing this post because offloading helps me to feel better. Maybe you are out there reading this and understand where I am coming from. Perhaps you have felt similar feelings before?

So tell me, what do you do, when you don’t know what to do anymore?

This is an open honest post about how I am feeling currently. I am aware that mental health problems strike anyone anytime. It would be brilliant to not feel this emptiness for once but at the same time i’m finding it hard to get rid of.

Please only comment if you have advice or something positive to say. I’m not looking for sympathy it would just be good to speak to people who have possibly felt like this before or have come out the other side. I struggle to find any motivation and quite honestly, a lot of life feels rather pointless. If you can’t spend your time with your loved ones enjoying yourself, really.. What is the point?

Sophie

 

 

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