This week I had my birthday and it’s the first time in many years I’ve felt weird about getting older.

A lot of my friends were freaking out at the notion of turning 30 many years ago, for me it didn’t bother me at all. I saw it as an excuse to go somewhere amazing to celebrate. Now that i’m turning 35, things feel very different. Is it because 40 is getting that little bit closer? Is it because i’m already married with a house and child and I don’t know what is next for me? Is it because i’m not away abroad for once celebrating?

I don’t know exactly but 35 feels different. I celebrated with my girls and cocktails the day before and we really went all out! Some of the bars we went to were awesome! We ate lots of pizza and consumed far too much sugar.

But when my birthday came around I didn’t really know what to do with myself. I celebrated with my daughter opening presents and staying in. The day felt weird not being with my husband for the first time in 7 years! It was also the first birthday we’d not been away. We decided to save his annual leave for something further down the line so he went to work before we headed for dinner on the evening together. I had a lovely meal at The White Cross in Guiseley for their curry night offering.

I’ve celebrated my birthday in many ways. Running from hurricanes on multiple occasions across different states. Exploring volcanoes in Greece during a pandemic or paragliding in Turkiye. Perhaps these were all distractions from the inevitable: We are all getting older and life is forever changing.

Today my daughter has to be somewhere for a few hours so I have some free time to myself – A rarity! I’ve been making the most of it with a day of shopping, treating myself for my birthday and giving myself some time to sit down and relax. I’ve headed to Cup 19 in Farsley that do the most delicious hot chocolates. The best cuppa I have found in the area!

Today I went for butterscotch! The flavours never disappoint.

Once upon a time I used to sit in this coffee shop with my baby as she was sleeping. I always wondered just how much time I would get to read before she woke up. It was a race against the clock and I always knew before long i’d have to get up and leave. I perched in the corner trying not to disturb anyone always worried she would start crying loudly. I knew one day i’d return here without her which would be a milestone in itself… Today is that day.

Do I feel sad because everything is changing so quickly? Maybe. Did I spend 2 years with a baby attached to me, needing me and never giving me some space and now I have as much time as I need it’s almost overwhelming? Perhaps. My birthday is always a chance to reflect and I think combined with everything changing it’s definitely hitting me hard.

Have you ever had a birthday that has hit harder than the others? Please let me know in the comments! I’d love to know i’m not alone with this feeling!